When I was a teenager, I used to think of that perfect man I would meet in the future, who would let me do whatever I wanted, and would marry me right before I turned thirty. Then, in college, I realized that having alone time with said perfect man after marriage would be best, and so I should marry at 27, having plenty of time before 30 to grow our married relationship before having children. Now that I am 26 (Good god, it really hurts me that I am over 25 - I am having some kind of over a quarter-half-a-century crisis, and it hurts), I am realizing that it will not happen. Why can't things go as I planned? In college, I had a rule -- if you were still wondering if I was that "one" for you after two years of dating passed, then you should just leave. Now I am wondering if I should break that rule.
Did you ever wonder why women don't leave their man, despite there being something wrong with the relationship - be it as sever as abuse, or just plain unhappiness? I realize that after being with a man that you have grown to love, it is hard to just pack your bags and leave. There is fear of being alone, fear of the pain that you'll feel, and also fear of the pain that you will bring to him. I saw this clip of He's Just Not That Into You where Jennifer Aniston says, "Stop being nice to me, if you're not going to marry me."
I used to wonder why it would be so hard to communicate with someone you love. I should have known it would be hard. There were times I didn't know I could just turn to my mother, and that is someone from whom I could never lose love. So why was I so naive to believe that I would be able to share all my thoughts with someone I haven't even known for half my life?
All these life goals that I had years ago that I thought were so far from now have caught up with me so fast. Time moves so much faster than we think it will. I feel so unhappy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment